Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach and speaker. She has counseled more than 2,000 couples since 1983 and is the author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy! – a guide to improving intimacy for couples. You can read an excerpt from the book and order an autographed copy. Shela began studying the dynamics of personal relationships during her two-decade career as an estate and family attorney before retiring from law to begin coaching in 2004. Her unique blend of humor, insight, and practical meat-and-potatoes approach, helps couples find a better way to navigate the friendly, and sometimes not-so-friendly, skies of life while having a darned good time doing it. In her words . . .

I’m married to Dale who is hands down, the nicest guy on the planet. He’s kind, generous, cute, a great cook, and funny. He’s not, of course, perfect. For example, he’s chronically late. In fact, that’s why Frequent Foreplay Miles began. It was over morning coffee and cinnamon-toast when, 10 years ago, I explained to Dale the effect his being late had on me. Putting it in a context that would get his attention — sex — I pointed my butter knife at him for emphasis, smiled sweetly, and said.

“Just remember that foreplay is all day, 24/7, and includes everything that affects how I feel about you. Being late is not effective foreplay. And, since being on time isn’t your strong point, here’s an idea for you. Rack up Frequent Foreplay Miles to cash in when you screw up. The higher your balance, the happier and more in the mood, I’ll be.”

We laughed. But he understood and, in his sexual self-interest, pledged to become the on-time guy. He earned Frequent Foreplay Miles by wiping the table free of toast crumbs. I earned mine by ironing his shirt.The morning’s good-bye kiss was especially sweet. Sparks flew that night and in the afterglow we acknowledged that a simple idea, expressed in the morning’s playful exchange, had legs. It became our goal to bank as many and lose as few Frequent Foreplay Miles as possible. With joy and laughter as the hallmarks of our relationship, we were the couple everyone envied. Picking up Frequent Foreplay Miles was easily done through daily acts of kindness. We seldom lost them. We thought it would never change. We were wrong.

A business failure nearly sent us into bankruptcy. Financial hard times, accompanied by guilt, shame, resentment, and anger, rocked our marriage to the core. We packed up, left our life in California, moved to the East Coast and started over. Alone in a city where we knew no one, grieving for the life we had lost, and sad to the point of depression, our philosophy of marriage was put to trial by fire. The playful banter in which we had so often engaged was replaced by silence. Tension and distance left little room for the easy joy we once felt. There were times when we wondered if we would make it, but we did. Surviving the challenge was possible because we had early on made Frequent Foreplay Miles the strongest thread in the fabric of our relationship. We credit that philosophy as the reason we survived and emerged as a stronger and happier couple. The joy and the laughter came back.

It was during my two-decade career as an estate planning attorney that I first began to notice and study the dynamics of married couples. Involved with my clients over prolonged periods of time, I not only witnessed their lives unfold, but helped them face such challenges as the death of a child or the loss of health or wealth. Because of my long-term involvement in my clients’ lives, I found myself counseling on relationship issues almost as much as on legal matters.

Since retiring from the practice of law, I have shared my relationship strategies with others through one-on-one relationship coaching, seminars, and now through my new book detailing a fun and effective strategy for improving emotional intimacy: Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy! Read an excerpt and order your copy today!

To schedule an individual consultation, please call me at 804.986.4342 or send an email to shela@sheladean.com.

Thank you.