Relationship Intimacy – How It All Started, Where Is It Now?

Intimacy. In the beginning, it’s pretty much about sex. Yep, those hormones are raging and that’s exactly what they’re supposed to do. Get this: The falling-in-love hormones that your brain secretes by the gallons have the same affect on your brain as cocaine. No kidding. That’s why, in those early falling-in-love days, we’re “addicted” to our sweetheart, can’t think of anything else, and are blinded to his or her all-too-soon-painfully-obvious flaws. All those hormones make us want to have sex. Lots of it. Sex triggers other hormones that cause us to bond and form long-term relationships. So far, so good, right? Well, here’s the rub: The hormones produced when we have sex interfere with the brain’s ability to produce the falling-in-love hormones. That’s why the lusty-can’t-get-enough-of-you,  high-on-love feeling goes away.

What????? You mean we’re programmed to fall in love, have sex and bond, and our “reward” is that the blinders come off and we realize our Perfect 10 is more of a 6 or 7? ‘Fraid so. Turns out that love isn’t as much as affair of the heart as it is Mother Nature’s way of ensuring that we mate and reproduce to ensure the continuation of our species. Okay. But, since we’re hardwired to couple, wouldn’t you think Mother Nature would have been more generous in doling out relationship survival skills? Sorry. You’re on your own. That’s why when the falling-in-love stage ends (as it inevitably does for every couple), we think we got it wrong, and why so many divorces occur in the first three years of marriage.

Knowing all this may take some of the romance out of falling and being in love. But isn’t it reassuring to know that you’re not alone? And knowledge is power. Knowing that the falling-in-love stage is just that, a stage, helps you prepare for the being-in-love long- haul. And that’s exactly why I wrote Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy. All couples need a helping hand now and then. I’m here to lend that hand as a one-on-one relationship coach, right here on this website, and with my book.

I developed the Frequent Foreplay Miles strategy to help couples just like you have the relationship of your dreams while having a darned good time. Improving intimacy is not only wonderful for your relationship, but it is also wonderful for you as an individual.  You stand to gain more confidence and self esteem knowing that you have a fully supportive and secure relationship in your life.

Read an excerpt from my book to get an idea of how it all works.  Browse the rest of the website and visit my Total Intimacy Blog for more information, tips, and resources.