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Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

The Palin Marriage

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

Recently I was asked to comment on the rumors that Todd and Sarah Palin are close to splitsville. My initial response was, “How would I know that?” No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors and, of course, you have to consider where the rumors are coming from: Levi Johnston and Sarah’s detractors.

But I did the usual Google search and came across a bunch of pictures of them. Here’s what I noticed: While they were both in the pictures, there was no sense that they were “together.” For example, in one picture they are dancing on the evening of her gubernatorial inaugural ball. They are both smiling but they are both looking in different directions.  I found this to be true with the only exception being what appears to be an I-love-you-big-time hug following Sarah’s speech at the Republication National Convention.

Sarah and Todd have been together 20 years and have faced down challenges. She says their marriage is strong and that rumors of divorce are false. Some would say, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” We’ll see. What I do know is this:

Sarah Palin was a big fish in a smaller pond where she could be home to help with the kids and running the house. Now, she’s swimming in a much bigger pond and it appears that Todd is home doing the laundry, taking care of the house and the children. While he appears to be her number 1 fan, that change in dynamics can take its toll.  I hope, especially for the sake of the Palin children, that both Todd and Sarah remember to rack up their Frequent Foreplay Miles.

Sean Penn Follows Jon Gosselin’s Lead

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

Penn and New Squeeze

Is it just me? Or am I justifiably appalled by both Sean Penn and Jon Gosselin. I mean, come on, these guys loved Robin and Kate enough to marry them and have children with them. But within no time of having split the blanket,  they’re each squiring a replacement. I’ve been divorced. I get it. You move on. But if you have any decency, you  show respect for your ex and especially for your children. You let the sheets cool. I don’t even want to start on Jon Gosselin. Okay, too late, I’m started. What are his children to think when they learn (if they haven’t already) that daddy is saying  horrible things about mommy to the whole world. I detest her!?!!!! Jon, I take you at your word. You detest Kate. My question is this: Do you hate Kate more than you love your children? If so, keep it up, buddy. But if you love your kids as you should, zip it up. Grow up. You were man enough to father eight children, now be man enough to be a good father even in, no especially in, the face of a public divorce.

During the 20 years I practiced law, I refused to do domestic work. This is exactly why. I cannot (and don’t want to be) indifferent to parents who making hurting the ex more important than the welfare of their children. I practice what I preach. When my daughter’s father and I split, I made certain that he and she had a relationship. She was only two. It would have been easy to push him out of the picture. But because I love my daughter, I made sure she knew her father. Six years ago, he and I walked her down the aisle. I did the right thing. Marriage may end, parenting doesn’t.

So, Sean and Jon, regardless of what you may feel for your soon-to-be-exes, think of your kids. Now, more than ever, they need you to be stand-up guys.

Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn: Irreconcilable Differences

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Holding hands, but not looking happy.

Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn are once again in the California divorce system. That state has “no fault” divorce, though I think maybe it should be called “everyone’s at fault and there’s plenty of it to go around” divorce. Whatever. Point is, all you have to do is say you have irreconcilable differences and that’s the end of the story, at least as far as the judge is concerned. When I read the news blurb about the off-again Penn marriage, I wondered just what “differences” they have that are incapable of being “reconciled” such that their 20-year togetherness is kaput.

Seems to me that every couple has gazillions of differences they “reconcile” every day.  He’s a dog person, she’s a cat person. He loves eggplant, it makes her gag. She’s crazy about opera, he’s a heavy metal freak. He loves to camp, she’s afraid of bugs. His favorite TV show is demolition derby, hers is Days of our Lives. She loves to scrapbook, he’s into chain saw art. Differences. They make us interesting. And, they sometimes challenge us. She’s Catholic, he’s Jewish—how do you raise the kids? He’s believes in spanking, she doesn’t—how do you discipline the kids? She likes to travel, he’s a homebody—how do you spend vacation time? Challenging, yes. Irreconcilable, no.

So at what point do differences really become irreconcilable?  I think it’s the moment when you run out of the energy and desire it takes to do the hard work. There are times when you simply can’t do more, don’t want to do more, and just want out. I get it. I’ve been there. But let’s call a spade a spade, okay? Except in limited situations, e.g., where one  refuses to stop smacking the other one around or refuses to give up side nooky, when a couple splits based on “irreconcilable differences” it really means they simply gave up. Maybe this a distinction without a difference, I dunno. But I’m thinking that maybe more couples would go that extra mile to work it all out if, when contemplating divorce, they ask themselves, “Are our differences really irreconcilable, or are we quitting?” In my book, it’s okay to quit—no judgment from this quarter—but not to pretend that you’re movin’ on because your differences cannot be reconciled.

As for Robin and Sean, I wish them the best.

Take Your Marriage Vitamins 'Cuz Divorce is Bad for Your Health

Friday, July 31st, 2009

Let me outa' here!!

CNN ran a story a day or two ago about how divorce has a permanently bad affect on your mental and physical health. In my case NOT getting a divorce would have had a permanently bad affect on my mental—and his physical—health!! Sometimes we just blow it. Maybe we’re  too young to get married, lookin’ for love in the wrong place, or too screwed up to know when to just say, “No!” Then, we come to our senses and divorce is the answer.

Having said that, divorce sucks no matter what. Did you know that a huge percentage of people who get a divorce are sorry they threw in the towel and wish they’d tried harder? I get it. I am crazy in love with my hubby Dale and I don’t miss my ex (nice guy that he may be), but I kinda’ sorta’ wish  I’d done it right from the get-go and avoided the divorce track altogether. My kid would have grown up in a two-parent home and I’d probably have a lot more money in the bank. Sigh.

So, look, if you find yourself envying your single friends, you or your sweetie are spending way too much time on thin ice or in the dog house, or you find yourself wondering if the jail time for physical assault is worth it, maybe it’s time to put the attitude brakes on and make a U-Turn in the way you think about your still-significant-other. Try this: Take a quiet moment to list five times when your sweetheart made you think you’re the luckiest person on the planet. Those times don’t have to be the stuff of epic romance novels, just sweet times. Maybe it’s the day you planted the now fully matured roses, or sat on a bench holding hands enjoying the view, or cooked Thai food together for the first time. Reliving those memories just might give you the oomph to work a tad harder at keeping your marriage together. It’s like vitamins—taking one won’t make you healthy, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Whadya got to lose?

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