I recently met a friend for coffee. She shared that she’d been mad at her husband for a year.  A year???  Wow. It made me sad to think someone could be angry for so long and it also made me think about kissing and making up. All couples have arguments. Hubby Dale and I are no exception. We get irritated with each other but it doesn’t last long. We enjoy each other too much to stay angry. And, think of all the great makeup sex we’d miss!!!

Are you in the mad-for-too-long zone? Come on, you’re in a relationship—not a wrestling match. Go a round or two if you must but then get out of the ring, kiss and make up. If you’ve been angry too often or too long, read on:

#1. Kiss and Make Up. In my book, Frequent Foreplay Miles, I explain why couples so often butt heads, step on each other’s toes, and get their wires crossed. I also explain how to avoid those situations and how to heal the damages when they occur. We all want to “win” the fight. Unfortunately, what so many think of as “winning” is really losing. With Frequent Foreplay Miles you still get to keep score!  But instead of someone losing and someone winning, you both end up winners.

Frequent Foreplay Miles helps you see every interaction (even an argument) as an opportunity for building up, instead of breaking down. You’ll speak candidly and argue constructively, spin negatives into positives and embrace your differences rather than lash out futilely. You’ll learn to cherish each other again. Is it an overnight journey? Nope. Like every other journey it begins with one step. The first step is to just kiss and agree to make up. Steps 2 and 3 will get you on and keep you on the path to a great relationship.  

#2. Wake up to a new world. Some people say don’t go to bed angry.  While that may be a great theory, sometimes it’s just too difficult to reach that ideal, especially if you’ve been angry at your not-so-sweetie for a while.  How about don’t wake up angry instead?  Wake up to a new day.  Let yesterday be in yesterday.  Get up resolved to see your partner’s good qualities, the ones that made you love him or her in the first place. You can choose a different perspective. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible.

#3. Find a Relationship Coach – Even if it’s Just for You. A coach can help you with #2. If your partner won’t join you, go anyway. You’ll learn some great tools to rebuild your love affair and get on with the good life. The quickest way to change someone else’s behavior is to change your own. Coaching helps you be the best partner you can be and that goes a long towards having a great relationship. Don’t worry about your partner. Worry about yourself. Once your partner sees change in you, he or she will soon jump on the bandwagon.
Anger. By letting it go, you make room for the happiness I know you want.

Shela Dean

It’s here!  Another new year!  With the effortless flick of a clock’s hand, as if by magic, we start anew. Ah, if only it was as easy as waving a magic wand to start anew in other ways. A flick of the wrist and poof! All our difficulties would disappear If only!

In relationships it sometimes feels like the opposite of this is true.  When issues arise (as they do in every relationship), they often seem insurmountable when, in fact, we really can make them disappear without much effort. You see, the solution is usually right in front of you IF you don’t let the roadblocks (i.e., pride, fear and distractions) get in the way. Come on, you often know in your heart exactly what’s wrong in your love life and you also know the fix.  For instance, how often have you thought, “If only we could have date night once in a while,” or, “We never have sex any more.” And, how many times have you done nothing about it? Or, worse, wondered with frustration why your partner doesn’t show the initiative to move “us” forward? All it really takes to get from point A to point B is charting a path.  Someone has to take the initiative. Why not you?

It’s a new year and a great time to leap over roadblocks and make a bee line to the fix for what’s “wrong” in your relationship. As it is with great companies and great lives, in great relationships, it’s the constant reassessing and redirecting of objectives, assets and responsibility that keeps them on a path toward growth and success. Today is a wonderful day to begin that trip with your sweetheart. Sit with your honey this weekend and create four or five New Year’s Relationship Resolutions.  Then, chart your course for how to reach those goals. Be as specific as possible—especially considering the possible roadblocks that could stand in your way. Assign responsibility to one or the other of you wherever possible.For example, if one of your Relationship Resolutions is to spend more time as a couple, instead of just being “mom and dad,” then be sure to make a responsibility list of things like:

* Childcare

* Choosing an activity and or great restaurant

* Budget for the day or evening

* Possibly inviting another couple

Whatever you set as your relationship goals for 2011, remember to schedule monthly check ups.  Don’t be like so many couples that take better care of their cars they do their relationships!  Calendar a time each month to look at how you’re meeting your goals.  Where are you hitting the ball out of the park?  Where are you falling short?  (Remember, this isn’t a bitch and complain session. It’s just a few minutes to redirect if you’ve lost track of your important hopes and dreams for 2011.) 

Finally, no matter how great your relationship may be, you gotta’ pay attention to it or it won’t be great for long.  Even if you’re racking up Frequent Foreplay Miles almost daily, you still to check in every so often and make sure you’re on the same page. 

Here’s to you, to your wonderful relationships, to your friends and family, and to all you hold dear.  May 2011 be filled with health, wealth, wonder, and break-the-bank Frequent Foreplay Miles.

With love, Shela Dean, Relationship Expert and Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles

Yes, the holidays are here.  It’s December 23^rd – the work day is ending early, the final bows are getting tied and the fruitcakes are being boxed to regift.  Hah! 

If your holiday haze is getting thicker and heavier, here’s a few ways release the ho hum and bring back the wow!  For this tool to work, you’ll need your holiday honey.

1. Jingle his (or her) bells. (I bet you thought I was going to be dirty here, huh?)  Okay, people, keep it out of the street.  How about an unexpected phone call – even if your honey is just on the other side of the house.  Share your favorite memory and the two things you loved most about him or her on the day you realized you were in love. X-rate it by adding a few sweet nothings at the end and setting a date to meet in bed later that evening.

2. You know dancer and prancer and comet and vixen. Why not be the vixen?  Meet your honey later tonight in a sexy pair of silk boxers or a great silk nightgown.  You can add dancer with a few fun moves as you make your way through the door.  The worst thing that will happen?  You’ll both crack up laughing!

3. But the fire is so delightful! If you’ve got a fireplace, by all means use it!  Don’t be too busy for that one cup of cocoa or java.  Light the fire and then light up your honey!  No fireplace?  Don’t worry – even the flame of a simple candle can be wildly romantic! 

4. While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads! Okay, I have to admit, I don’t know where you can get sugar plums, even in December – but a great box of rich chocolate covered cherries and a bottle of sweet wine should do the trick.  Or maybe the delicious bottle of hazelnut liqueur, Frangelico, originally created early Christian monks over 300 years ago living in the hills of Northern Italy. With each bite or sip, tell your honey why he or she makes your life sweeter.

5. Christmas carols! No, you don’t have to sing!  How about turning on some great music and RELAXING for an hour.  If you don’t have a great CD handy, you don’t have to worry.  Pandora.com is a fabulous, free source of great music – and it’s intuitive.  Play more of what you like, and it rotates it in to your commercial-free line up.  Curl up with your honey and relax.  The wrapping will still be there tomorrow, and the fruitcake will survive another day.  Take the time to listen and unwind.

No matter what your lists are (or how long), remember that the holidays are really something to be treasured, not endured.  Take the time to RECEIVE the love.  And to give it.  Your holiday honey is the best gift you’ve got, after all.  Unwrap your beloved’s heart. Be in the moment and for right now, set aside any worries.  Be IN the moment.  That is the real present, after all! 

To your joy, your peace and your WOW!  Shela Dean

I admit it. I’m not a fan of Halloween when it comes to kids knocking on doors, overloading on candy, and then suffering the inevitable sugar crash. However, I love creative costumes, especially for the big kids, aka adults. My ex was cooperative. He once allowed me to dress him as a topless dancer. The boobs I made for him out of balloons, cut up pantyhose, and baby bottle nipples would have been more convincing had I been able to get them the same size. Regardless, the costume was a big hit and I suspect—based on how well he carried it off—that my ex rather enjoyed the wig and the fishnets.

Dale, my adored husband, on the other hand, is not so cooperative. Not in a million—make that a trillion—years would he wear the topless dancer costume. If Dale had his way, we’d nix the costume thing entirely. He’s rejected some great ideas. For example, I once suggested we dress as the bottom-line and the headline. One of us would wear a big butt (think of the Fruit of the Loom guys) and the other would wear a big head (think of Mr. Potato Head). Each would have a big black line diagonally crossing it. Cute and, if I say so myself, downright clever. Alas, my creativity has gone unrealized. Deep sigh.

The Halloween-costume-thing isn’t the only difference between us. I adore board games. Dale is bored by them. He loves fun in the sun. Breaking a sweat makes me cranky. He’s a classical musician and won’t watch American Idol with me. I read legal thrillers; he reads nonfiction about things like the history of cod fishing (really) and from that you can only guess how “similar” our taste in TV is. Although our differences are sometimes a source of frustration, there’s a really cool thing about having differences and it’s this:

While I’m never going to read a book about cod fishing, I enjoy the more interesting tidbits Dale shares with me. He’s not going to read the latest legal thriller, but he enjoys it when I read a particularly good bit of prose to him or share an interesting plot twist. I’ve heard music I might never have otherwise known about. I tell Dale enough about what’s happening on American Idol for him to be up-to-date and conversant with coworkers. In other words, each of us shares the highlights of our interests with the other. That gives us something to talk about and makes us more interesting, not only to each other, but to the rest of the world. It helps broaden our horizons. For example, I love opera because Dale introduced me to it and can tell me the story behind every one of them. And that’s just the beginning of how, by sharing our differences, we’ve made our lives fuller.

Our differences also allow some separateness. Dale shares fun in the sun with his friends when they go hiking or cycling, giving me the opportunity to drag out my craft supplies and make scrapbook pages for my granddaughters. When Dale comes home, he tells me all about his day and I display my handiwork for him to praise.

Differences make you interesting and open doors for you to broaden your own interests, point of view, and horizons.  Differences. Embrace them.

Speaking of differences, that gives me an idea for this year’s costumes. I’ll go as a neat freak and he can be an explosion. Hmmm . . . do you think he’ll go for it?

My Guy Dale

Last week I had mother-daughter date night with my daughter Lisa, usually dinner (with catch up conversation) and then a movie. This week it was Eat, Pray, Love. I thought the movie was so-so but it was the trailer for an upcoming romantic comedy that got me thinking. It posed the question how do you know you’re in love. I can’t answer that question for everyone, but here’s my story.

I knew I was for-sure in love when I came home late one night to discover that my sweetheart Dale had stopped by to wheel my trash cans to the curb. Dale is a guy who had done everything right from the get-go. Two days before our first date he called to say he was looking forward to it. The morning after our first date he called to say he had a great time and hoped we could do it again. He was the first to use the word “love” in a sentence that referred to me. And if that’s not enough, he was a great cook and for someone like me, who lived on microwaved baked potatoes, that was a deal clincher. Yep, he was a keeper. Or was he?

Oh, I was in love all right but, truthfully, that realization scared me to death because then I had to think about the bigger question—was I in love with the right person. Love, as I had so painfully learned, was not enough. I had been in love before. I was divorced. And it wasn’t just marriage I’d gotten wrong. More than once Mr. Right had turned out to be Mr. Oh-So-Wrong, My relationship self-confidence was 2 on a scale of 1-to-10. I wanted to get it right this time but so shattered was my self-confidence, that I came very close to simply assuming I was wrong this time, too, no matter how effectively he had swept me off my feet. As time went on and I fell more deeply in love with Dale, I asked myself time and again, how can I know if he is “the one.” I thought back to the committed relationships that had gone wrong and asked myself if I’d missed any don’t-do-this cues. I had. I realized that each time I had committed myself to a relationship that didn’t work, I had ignored those little voices that, had I listened and trusted rather than rationalized away, would have protected me. Those cautionary voices—my intuition—had always been right. Hmmm . . . was I onto to something? Yes, indeed.

Turns out that scientific studies prove there’s a lot to this intuition stuff but I didn’t know it at the time. All I knew then was that in every situation where my intuition had spoken, I had ignored it. I rationalized my gut feelings away and convinced myself that everything was super peachy keen. This time, however, I invited those little voices to speak up. “Come on,” I said out loud, “talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong with this picture.” Nothing. Silence. “No, really,” I begged, “talk to me.” Again, silence. Well, whaddya know? There were no little voices telling me to run and run fast. Every bit of me—my brain, my heart, and most importantly my intuition—said, “Go for it!”

That was 14 years ago and I’ve never had a moment’s regret. Dale and I are now happily married and I can’t envision life without him. Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend. Her intuition is her best friend. If you want to know if he’s Mr. Right, don’t over-think it. You’ll end up exhausted and confused. Sit quietly and ask your intuition to talk to you. Listen carefully. And trust those little voices. They don’t lie.

Talk and Share

Years ago, there was a TV commercial for Lipton soup. A child ran into the kitchen and asked his mom, who was standing over a steaming pot, “Is it soup yet?” That phrase became a shorthand way of asking if something is done. Few us as are the same person at 40 as we are at 20—it takes time to become soup—which is why the younger the age at marriage, the more likely a divorce. As you and your partner simmer, on your way to becoming soup, the changes that inevitably occur can cause stress to your marriage or other committed relationship until one day you may find yourself saying, “You’re not the person I married.”

Relationships, like the people who form them, are dynamic. People change as life, time and experience affects them. It’s possible to outgrow your partner or for each of you to grow in such different directions that your relationship no longer makes sense. On the other hand, your relationship can survive—even thrive—if you share in three ways.

Share experiences. Even a seemingly insignificant experience can profoundly affect you. Example: Sharon, who had just turned 30, was taking a run and passed her neighbor, an old widower, who was sitting on his porch lovingly stroking his cat. Sharon thought how wonderful it was that the old man had the cat to keep him company. As the only child of career parents, she knew loneliness and, having just experienced a “decade” birthday, vowed to manage her life to avoid a reprise of her childhood loneliness in old age. Sharon told her husband Tim about seeing the old man and his cat. Tim then shared a story about his grandmother, who died before Sharon met Tim, and who loved her Cocker Spaniel more than life itself. Tim also shared, for the first time, what a positive influence his grandmother had been on him. This led Sharon to suggest that she and Tim get involved with a pets-for-seniors program. He agreed and that’s what they did. Sharon could have filed the experience in her psyche where it would quietly (and even subconsciously) influence the decisions she made in life. But by sharing it, she is not only more conscious of how the fear of old age loneliness affects her, but she and Tim discovered a way to together create a richer life.

Share your dreams. Verbalizing a dream helps make it reality and no one is in a better position to support you than your life partner. Example: Matt, an MBA, was on an upwardly mobile track at a consulting firm. Linda was an associate attorney at a national firm. They planned an affluent life in which both reached the top of the corporate ladder. Tucked away, beneath all Matt’s ambition, was his boyhood dream of being a forest ranger but that’s not what Matt’s parents envisioned for him. To be a “good son,” Matt did what was expected, adopting his parents’ dream as his own. As Matt became increasingly unhappy in a life that didn’t truly fit him, his relationship with Linda suffered. During a counseling session, the therapist asked Matt how the reality of his life differed from what he had envisioned. Matt thought he was joking when he said, “As a kid I wanted to be a forest ranger.” But when the words were said, the reality hit him. As Matt became soup, he changed from who Linda (and he himself) thought he was—a man who wanted to climb the corporate ladder—to a man who wanted an outdoor life. With his dream now in the open, Linda and Matt could reshape their goals so Matt could use his MBA knowledge to create a business giving hiking and whitewater rafting tours.

Share your feelings. Doing so helps you crystallize your own thoughts and allows you to learn from each other. Example: Ben and Sarah, expecting their first child, had friends who had just adopted a baby boy. It was an open adoption where the birth mother was permitted contact with the adoptive family and the baby. Ben said to Sarah, “I don’t think the birth mother should be allowed to see the baby. After all, she gave it up for adoption.” Sarah, who had never thought about it before, did so then. After a few moments of reflection, she replied, “Ben, the mother gave up the right to raise the baby, but not the right to love the baby.” Ben thought for a moment and said, “You’re right. I hadn’t thought of it that way.” A conversation about what it means to be a parent ensued. They discovered they had differing points of view on spanking and several fundamental issues, and agreed to do some research, get some counseling, and resolve their difference before the baby was born. Each became a better parent as a result.

It all boils down to this: talk to each other. If you don’t communicate and share as you each become soup, you’re much more likely to grow apart than to grow closer. You will change. Your relationship will change as a result. It’s inevitable. By openly sharing your experiences, your dreams, and your feelings you greatly improve the odds of your relationship not only surviving but thriving.

Would you marry you? If you were/are single, are you the kind of person you’d be looking for and want to hook up with?

Sure, we all want a partner who is our version of the Perfect 10. But truth be told, we cross our fingers that said Perfect 10 will settle for a Strong 7 and overlook a few of our less than perfect traits. When you’re dating and doing your best to impress the object of your affection, you’ve got a couple of things working for you: (1) your sweetheart is blinded by falling-in-love hormones, and (2) you’re on your best behavior. You’ll never seem more like a Perfect 10 than in those too-short falling-in-love days.

Unfortunately, being on best behavior is like holding in your stomach—you can’t do it forever. The more comfortable you are in the relationship, the more likely you are to slide from a Perfect 10 to an Almost Perfect 9 to a Slightly Flawed 8 until you become the “real you.” It isn’t always pretty. Worse, at just about the same time you’ve become the “real you,” those falling-in-love hormones ease up so your sweetheart can see you (and all your flaws) more realistically.

Step outside yourself for a moment and then turn a critical eye in your direction.

Start with the outside. Do you take pride in your appearance? Are you carrying a few extra pounds? Are you in ratty old clothes more often than not? If your personal grooming and pride in your appearance have slacked off, there’s a good chance your partner’s assessment of your “perfection” has gone backwards a notch or two. Your sweetie may not have said a word but—and you can bank on this—your sweetheart has noticed.

Now, take a look at the inside. Do you like what you see and are you proud of you? Or, do you secretly agree with Woody Allen that you wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have you as a member?

Low self-esteem is a major cause of relationship failure. A person with low self-esteem has difficulty seeing issues clearly, often hears criticism where there is none, suffers from jealousy, is afraid to communicate openly and honestly, feels at fault for problems that arise in the relationship, and may be needy and dependent. People with low self-esteem often compensate by being overly critical of others, defensive, and self-protective. If you see yourself anywhere in that description, it’s time (perhaps past time) to do some work on you. The closer you are to the kind of person you’d want to marry, the better partner you’ll be. The better partner you are, the better relationship you’ll have.

Do you treat your sweetheart as you want to be treated? Yep, it’s that Golden Rule thing. If you want your sweetie to greet you with a smile, if you want your partner to respect your feelings, privacy, and opinions, if you want your honey to be respectful, and so on and so on, then you know what to do.

Are you as interesting as you’d like your partner to be? As charitable? As understanding, kind, and thoughtful? Does thinking about your answer to the mirror-mirror-on-the-wall question—would you marry you—make you squirm a bit?

If you have been able to identify any reason why you wouldn’t marry you, you now know what you need to work on to be a better partner.

Okay, I’m going to be honest. This is not an entirely original idea. It was inspired by Brenda and Gill, the most clever couple I’ve ever met when it comes to keeping things playful and spicy. For example, they’re fond of having candlelit black tie dinners for two and they each wear nothing but a black tie. They might spend Saturday night in a fiercely fought game of strip poker or bikini Twister. Yep, they like to to get naked which, as you might imagine, leads to the boudoir, which leads me to the point of this article.

In today’s economy, we all need to save and most of us have less do-re-mi to spend on a night on the town, let alone a weekend getaway. As a result, a couple’s date night too often involves a remote control and, before you know it, you’re in that rut you said you’d never fall into. So, try this on for size . . .

Put a decorative bag or box in the bedroom and every time you have sex, throw money in it. Pick an amount based on your economic ability and set a savings goal. Brenda and Gill wanted to go to Hawaii and, at the time (which was before this economic crunch) they could each afford $20 with every occasion of conjugal bliss. What’s more, they gave tips for exceptional performance and multiple Big O’s! It took them less than a year to earn that trip. And, I swear, I never saw them without a smile on their faces which leads to the next point.

More sex can be good for your bank account and it’s definitely good for your relationship and your health. This is a time in history when fear of job loss, worries about economic security, and everything from wars to oil spills to global warming to you name it, can lead to down-in-the-dumps lethargy or even full-on depression. Having sex is the antidote. Sex stimulates feel-good hormones and helps you stay in your happy place despite the economy. It relieves stress and who among us can’t use a little stress relief? It helps keep your immunity in tiptop shape. It increases and helps you sustain emotional intimacy. Now, more than ever, we all need feel-good hormones, to be in our happy place, to have less stress, be healthier, and have greater emotional intimacy. And who can’t use a bigger bank account?

Open your Sex Savings Account and start making deposits today. It doesn’t matter whether you toss in twenty bucks or a quarter. Make it within your economic reach, set a goal, and see how quickly you can get there. Next time you’re tempted to splurge on a fattening Starbucks coffee, think about adding to your Sex Savings Account instead. Rather than buy lunch, pack a brown bag and use the savings for a deposit to your Sex Savings Account. With a little thought you’ll come up with dozens of ways to spend less on stuff you don’t need and put more into your Sex Savings Account. You’ll have more money. You’ll feel better. You’ll smile more. And, you’ll be closer than ever to each other. Pretty cool, huh?

It was in grade school math that I first learned about reducing fractions to their lowest common denominator. I hated math. Still do. But, I’ve learned that “reducing to the lowest common denominator” is a great term for describing how, in human interaction, we “sink” to the most basic, least sophisticated level of those with whom we are engaging. If you’ve ever argued with a child, you know what I mean. Before you realize it, you’re on that kid’s level.

We all behave badly at times. We get angry and lash out, we are disappointed and have a meltdown, or we’re just grumpy for no apparent reason. When it comes to our primary relationship, the tendency to “reduce to the lowest common denominator” often results in the other partner mirroring bad behavior. The results are never pretty. Example:

Matt was responsible for preparing a complicated bid on a job for his engineering firm. An ill secretary and a finicky Internet connection were the tip of the what-went-wrong iceberg. With minutes to spare, Matt hit “send” on the email that submitted the bid. He left exhausted and cranky. Lila, who had a day of meetings, had that morning asked Matt to pick up dinner. He did. As he walked from the garage to the back door, the food bag broke. The potato salad container burst on contact. The roasted chicken popped out of its box and rolled under a hedge. Lila heard Matt’s expletive, she rushed to the door, and asked, “What happened?”

Matt snapped. “What happened?” he yelled. “I dropped dinner. The perfect end to a totally miserable day.”

“Why are you yelling at me? It’s not my fault,” Lila knee-jerk responded.

“If you hadn’t insisted I get dinner, this wouldn’t have happened,” he knee-jerk (albeit irrationally) responded back.

“So it IS my fault,” she shouted and stormed into the house, leaving Matt to clean up the mess.

Things go wrong—usually at the worst possible time. The oven malfunctions, the appetizer burns, and your snooty in-laws will arrive any minute to a smoke-filled house. The TV with the gi-normous screen you’ve been bragging about goes on the fritz moments before kickoff, and 22 of your buddies will miss the game of the century. As you’re leaving for your sister’s wedding the baby throws up on the perfect silk dress you shopped for months to find. The flight is cancelled and you’re late getting home from the business trip you didn’t want to take, causing you to miss your own birthday party. Few of us handle these moments with the poise and equanimity of a mature adult. Nope—at such moments, we’re sure there’s a cosmic conspiracy to ruin our life and, thus, a meltdown is justified.

What’s more, when our partner does or says something that hurts our feelings, angers, or disappoints, the natural tendency is to sulk or lash out. Our partner “reduces to the lowest common denominator” and, before you know it, you’re in an argument where words you’ll later regret are said.

Bad behavior is usually the manifestation of an underlying emotion. Jack wasn’t really blaming Lila for his bad day, he was just expressing his frustration. A meltdown is an expression of disappointment at things not turning out as hoped. Sulking and verbal attacks on our partner usually stem from hurt feelings.

While there may be no valid excuse for bad behavior, especially when taken out on our sweetheart, who among us hasn’t gone there. When it happens, the smart partner looks beyond the behavior and responds to the underlying emotion. By doing so, you avoid “reducing to the lowest common denominator,” help your sweetheart return to the world of sanity and reasonableness, and, most importantly, avoid damaging arguments.

One of the coolest things about being in a committed relationship is having someone to grow old with, someone with whom you share so many memories that sitting in the rockers on the porch won’t be boring at all, you’ll have so much to talk about.  Equally as cool is how, if you open your mind and heart, your sweetheart can teach you things you might not otherwise ever learn, and can even help you be a better person.

My sweetheart Dale and I are alike in many ways—the same sense of humor, a love of adventure travel, the same political views, an enjoyment of good food.  We get along great, have tons of fun together, and almost never quarrel.  We also have a very fundamental difference.  I’m more of an A-Type and he’s definitely a B-Type.  In summary, here’s how Wikipedia describes the two:

• Type A individuals are impatient, time-conscious, have difficulty relaxing, high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays.
• Type B individuals are patient, relaxed and easy-going, generally lacking an overriding sense of urgency.

It should come as no surprise to you, then, that timeliness has always been an issue in our relationship.  Rewind the tape back to when we were first dating and on our way to an early evening BBQ.  I was contributing the salad and we were running late.  As I’m glancing at my watch to see just how late we were, Dale pulled off to the side of the road and said, “Wow, look how the afternoon light is falling on the hillside.  It’s so beautiful, let’s just enjoy the view for a moment.” Just as I was about to open my mouth to point out we were late and had no time for this silliness, I glanced over at the hillside and, you know what, it was beautiful.  After a few minutes, we were on our way and the salad delivered in plenty of time.  That was a pivotal moment for me and I wondered how many other beautiful sights I had missed because of my rush through life.  Perhaps, I thought, it was time to see the world more through Dale’s eyes.  While I’ve still got those Type A tendencies, I’ve learned that there are times, many times, when tapping into my inner Type B makes my life healthier, more enjoyable and more beautiful.  My sweetheart taught me to relax and to see beauty I would otherwise have missed.   Wow.

Too many people trash their relationship by trying to make their partner their clone, insisting that their way is the one and only right way.  Sure, I could have badgered and nagged Dale into being the clock Nazi I was and, believe me, I did plenty of that in the beginning, arguing that his being late was arrogant and self-centered.  Then one day it hit me: it was arrogant and self-centered of me to expect him to become my clone on this issue.  Now, I don’t demand perfection and, because he understands how important timeliness is to me, he pays more attention to the clock when it’s truly necessary to be on time.  I win.  He wins.  Our relationship wins.

Your differences can be the source of constant irritation or, if you open your mind and heart, they can be the source of growth and greater closeness.