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Posts Tagged ‘jon and kate’

Sean Penn Follows Jon Gosselin’s Lead

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

Penn and New Squeeze

Is it just me? Or am I justifiably appalled by both Sean Penn and Jon Gosselin. I mean, come on, these guys loved Robin and Kate enough to marry them and have children with them. But within no time of having split the blanket,  they’re each squiring a replacement. I’ve been divorced. I get it. You move on. But if you have any decency, you  show respect for your ex and especially for your children. You let the sheets cool. I don’t even want to start on Jon Gosselin. Okay, too late, I’m started. What are his children to think when they learn (if they haven’t already) that daddy is saying  horrible things about mommy to the whole world. I detest her!?!!!! Jon, I take you at your word. You detest Kate. My question is this: Do you hate Kate more than you love your children? If so, keep it up, buddy. But if you love your kids as you should, zip it up. Grow up. You were man enough to father eight children, now be man enough to be a good father even in, no especially in, the face of a public divorce.

During the 20 years I practiced law, I refused to do domestic work. This is exactly why. I cannot (and don’t want to be) indifferent to parents who making hurting the ex more important than the welfare of their children. I practice what I preach. When my daughter’s father and I split, I made certain that he and she had a relationship. She was only two. It would have been easy to push him out of the picture. But because I love my daughter, I made sure she knew her father. Six years ago, he and I walked her down the aisle. I did the right thing. Marriage may end, parenting doesn’t.

So, Sean and Jon, regardless of what you may feel for your soon-to-be-exes, think of your kids. Now, more than ever, they need you to be stand-up guys.

Jon and Kate; Ashton and Demi: Lessons in Marital Intimacy

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

Jon and Kate

Okay, I know that every person on the planet has weighed in on the Jon & Kate marriage debacle. I’ve wanted to give them the “privacy” they deserve even if they are hell-bent on airing their dirty laundry in public. But, with this last bit of news—the cops being summoned to the house—I can’t help myself. It’s easy to point the finger of blame and say that Kate is a control freak and drove Jon out the door. It’s also easy to see that Jon’s maturity level is apparently just a point or two above that of his young children. But, come on, folks, “fault” is a blurry line. They are both “at fault” and I, for one, say none of us knows—or can know—the bazillion little things that chipped away at the intimacy they once shared. Like most relationships that fail, their marriage suffered death by a thousand cuts.

Ask anyone if infidelity can trash your relationship and the answer will be, “Of course,” as if you had asked the dumbest question in the history of the world. Ask that same person if once forgetting your sweetheart’s birthday can trash your relationship and the answer will be, “Of course not!” as if you had asked the second dumbest question in the history of the world. That person would be wrong. A forgotten birthday might be the last in a long string of little hurts and disappointments that seals a relationship’s fate. We’ll never know (Jon and Kate may not even know) what little cut sapped the last bit of vitality from the Gosselin marriage.

In my book Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy (to be released next month) I talk about racking up Frequent Foreplay Miles by doing those things that resonate with your sweetie to build a reservoir a good will to draw on when you screw up. Jon & Kate blew that one. They each lost more Frequent Foreplay Miles than they earned. Divorce is

Ashton & Demi

the result. Contrast that to Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.  Ashton is featured in the August 14 edition of TIME and in answer to a question about what he does for Demi to score points (what I call Frequent Foreplay Miles), he says that he tries “to do things without keeping score, without expecting something in return or without having an agenda.” Good for him. The fact is, however, we all keep score. Here’s how it works: Your sweetheart brings you coffee in bed, 5 points. It follows a night of wild sex, 30 points bonus. You have a crazy busy day at work, your sweetheart has lunch delivered to your office, 30 points. Lunch includes cheesecake, 10 point bonus. Your partner borrows your car and returns it with an empty tank, minus 10. Your sweetie leaves a wet towel on the bed, minus 5. It’s your side, 15 point penalty. It’s the third time this week, 50 point penalty. Sure, we don’t keep a numerical score. But, we give greater emotional significance to those things that affect us the most. If that weren’t true then a surprise Porsche in the driveway would have the same Omigod! factor as a new toaster oven. Infidelity would get you in the same hot water as forgetting to pay the cable bill.

Remember this: When it comes to creating and sustaining intimacy in your relationship, the little stuff counts. It counts big time. Never miss an opportunity—large or small—to pick up Frequent Foreplay Miles. Avoid losing them whenever possible.

Reserve an autographed copy of my new book to learn more!

Creating Intimacy a Few Minutes at a Time

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Greg Behrendt, comic and co-author of He’s Just Not that Into You, once said to me,

Greg Behrendt

“Being famous is necessary for me to do what I love to do.” He’s right about that. If he weren’t famous, who’d come to his shows? Instead of lining up to buy tickets, people would say, “Greg who?” His comment made me realize that, while it may be dangerous to get between some celebrities and a camera, most celebs are just put-their-pants-on-one-leg-at-a-time people who are famous because it’s necessary for them to do what they do. The reward for fame is often fortune; the price tag is living with constant media and public scrutiny. Talk about pressure! We admire famous couples who maintain perspective and keep it together. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward immediately come to mind. The flip side: Jon and Kate Gosselin.

Regardless of what you think of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they seem to be the real deal when it comes to being a couple. I was touched by comments that Brad recently made as reported in People. He described how content he is with his life. Regarding his partner Angelina Jolie, he said, “We make time for ourselves. Its very important for every relationship.” Right you are, Brad.

You may not be famous but you’re busy, busy, busy. It’s easy to let your relationship take a back seat to the job, the kids, the volunteer work, the demands of everyday life, until one day you find yourselves wondering where the love went. The hallmark of a healthy relationship is intimacy—in and out of the bedroom. Here’s an idea for you: At the end of each day, before you turn the lights off, take a few minutes to be together. Really together. No TV. No kids. Touch each other. It doesn’t have to be (but can be!) a sexual touch. Hold hands in silence for a few minutes; you’ll be amazed at how connected you’ll feel. Even better: snuggle and see where it leads!

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